I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
