I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize