I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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