I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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