One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
