Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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