She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize