no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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