i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
