You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
