if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
