I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize