I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
