How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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