he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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