no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
