Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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