Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
