just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
