We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What a dumb baby whore.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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