I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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