Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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