he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
