first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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