i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
