there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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