Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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