explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
