Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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