I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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