I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
