in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
