my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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