Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
