I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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