i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize