"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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