we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
