Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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