I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize