awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
