I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
