Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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