it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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