I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
