yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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