sarcasm needs its own font
I love having hate sex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
