I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
