I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize