the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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