Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
