Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
