a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize