I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
