I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize