I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
