Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
