I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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