I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
