I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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