the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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