we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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