So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dude. I can hear the air.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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